I Am Officially Done

The last final exam is over. I am done with grad school. It's not real to me yet. I think it will become real when the first student loan bill shows up.

I knew when I started this program, these 2 years would fly by; but it's still hard to believe how quickly they did. I couldn't have done it without the support of: Erica, Janis, Carmel, Brook, Jenna, Jenny, Arynne, Megan, Maylene, Terrence, Stephen, Gwen, JoAnn, Elizabeth, Arminda, and many other people whose names my brain is sadly too fried to remember at the moment (do please forgive me if you are one of those people).

Thank you all. When I am more coherent I will write some more.

The Library = A Subway Car at Rush Hour

I could barely get a seat today! Damn, DePaul has some overachieving students :P. There was definitely a feeling of desperation in the air. The library is open 24 hours a day every day till the end of finals on Friday. Mercifully, today was my last day there.

I Have Been Close To Tears A Lot Lately

I think it's because everything is so pent up - so much stress about school and uncertainty about what happens after. Yesterday, while at the student center buying dinner, I saw one of the university's chorus groups singing (I was drawn by the dulcet tones of Britney Spears' toxic). They were taking such joy in their singing, I was almost overcome with tears. Seriously, it came out of nowhere. I reminded myself that a) I was standing in the student center and b) they were singing freakin' "Toxic!"

Today, I spent another day in the library. I swear, sometimes it feels like this last weekend of studying is going to end me. I feel depressed and ugly and insecure about everything. I just want school to be over. These are the longest 3 days of my damned life.

Chillin'

When I officially graduate, I want to dance to this song.

Threshold

Today, I went to the release party/reading for our university's literary journal, Threshold. I didn't have any pieces in it, but I did participate as a reader. I helped read some of the fiction submissions that got picked for publication. Never done that before, so that was an interesting experience.

Anyway, listening to people read their pieces, I realize how many talented writers are in my program. I'm lucky to have actually worked with some of them. Hopefully I absorbed some inspiration from them.

One Down, One To Go

That's right, folks! I am officially done with one of my classes in this, my final quarter of grad school. I still have a final to complete (and a paper to hand in before the final....GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!) But at least I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Am watching old Star Trek episodes. Damn, that show was cheesy goodness!

Why Don't I Trust Myself?

This isn't really apropos of anything going on in my life right now, but the other day, I realized that I really need to start trusting myself, specifically my own instincts more. For some reason, I was thinking about times when I've gone against my instincts and allowed myself to be convinced of things - whether it was believing a certain thing, or taking an action. It was usually friends trying to boost my self-esteem or get me to take a risk. This isn't about blaming my friends. They're a loving, well-meaning lot, nor am I feeling like blaming myself. Blame's a bad word here (Trust me, I can justifiably blame myself for plenty of other shit).

The message from my instincts is always the same "This doesn't feel right!" So why don't I listen to them? They're right 99.99% of the time, but I don't trust them. Seems illogical (Egads! now I am quoting Mr. Spock). I never trust myself to heed them. I always assume other people know what's best for me. no one knows me better than I do - except my Creator. It's time to start trusting myself.